If we have been hurt, but don’t know we were hurt, have we really been hurt?
Many years ago I was the pastor in a small southern town. Pastors were paid according to some sophisticated cost of living scale that pertained to where the pastor lived. While I was there the conference office with all its officialdom left the big city and came to my small town. To help the officials absorb moving costs the living scale for my small town was raised. When asked if the higher pay rate would pertain to the Bothwells who already lived there, the decision was made that while those who were moving would be on the higher scale the Bothwells would “stay on the lower scale because they wouldn’t know about it.” (Did they really think we wouldn’t find out?)
If you asked me if I was hurt I would most likely say, “No. It was no big deal.” However, it certainly did not make a favorable impression because decades later I can still remember the event. Does that mean because I remember I haven’t forgiven? I hope not. A lack of forgiveness on my part will never harm anyone except me. Perhaps that is one of life’s more difficult lessons. When we withhold forgiveness from someone we rarely hurt that someone. It is we who are poisoned by feelings that “we” were not treated right. We are the ones whose sleep is made restless.
When Jesus told us to forgive as we seek forgiveness for our transgressions He struck upon a fundamental psychological law. The quality of our lives is the fruit of decisions we make regarding what has happened to us. Over the span of our lives we most likely have received the same amount of good and bad. The difference at the end that determines whether life has been good or bad is what we choose to forget.
Written by Roger Bothwell on July 1, 2010
Spring of Life Ministry, PO Box 124, St. Helena, CA 94574
Rogerbothwell.org